As most of you know, this year I finally decided to write a book. The book as a whole is so many things, but at it’s foundation- body image. Of course! You can’t have a female driven nutrition manifesto without it. Most of the women I see are driven by body image. I, in so many ways, try to explain the overall importance of loving yourself and to be more concerned with health and not appearance. Its quite a fun read, I really can’t wait to share it with the world.
The one thing interesting that I never knew is that when you write a book, it becomes you. All of your soul and deepest emotions are poured into it. It fucks with you.
All of my own personal issues with body image were tried and tested. I feel terrible for my husband. He has endured me yelling at him in tears quite a few times. I have accused him of shaming language and being something that he isn’t. Like I said, when your shit comes to the top, it messes with you.
What I never expected, was that after everything I put him through, that, I, Myself, would also become the user of shaming language.
Let me give you a bit of back story. Recently, my husband and I decided to go on these new long term styles of eating. We removed grains and dairy. We have been gluten free forever, but subscribed to the “clean eating” approach. It is very lenient. This time, not so much. We up’d our game.
We both did really well on this plan. My breathing got so much better and Kenny was feeling really good. The only drastic change was that he lost 15 pounds.
The second he told me that, I freaked. I didn’t like it. I thought to myself, “I like my husband bulky, not skinny.”
This was the moment I became the “Shame Monster.”
It’s so easy for women to jump down the throats of their men for calling them “Fat”, but when is it okay to reverse it and reverse your shaming language into a double standard?
I felt like a complete asshole.
I had just become everything I hate, and everything I preach against, and everything I spoke about in the 50k words in my book.
What was I thinking?!… I wasn’t.
I honestly didn’t even know that I was shaming him until he told me I was. How sad is that?!
Is it possible that we only want to live on our own side and not on both?
When does it become okay to skinny shame someone?
The answer is, never.
Words hurt no matter who they come from and in whatever form. If they are judgmental, patronizing, micromanaging, they hurt. I don’t care if you think you are helping that person by sharing your unrelenting opinion, you are still traumatizing them. Yeah I get we currently live in a crazy politically correct world, but I like it. I like making others happy and I absolutely do not like making them miserable.
I am by no means perfect, I am actually quite a difficult and complicated person. But that doesn’t mean I ever want to be the anchor of someones emotional pain. Especially when it comes to how they feel about their body!
Moral of the story, don’t use shaming language, ever.
If you feel the urge to judge someone based on their appearance, remember, it’s just your own personal insecurities surfacing.
Are you using shaming language? Do you even know if you are?
Something to think about…